What to do if you feel overwhelmed?

Sometimes it can feel like life is throwing too many things at you at once. Too many expectations from others, too many deadlines and just too many things to do. Magnified by the fact that our brains love to make things look even bigger than they are.

Here is an easy way to put this in perspective and remind your stupid brain you’re not (necessarily) doomed.

Here is what to do:

Take a piece of paper (or something else you can write/type on) and write down the following things.

1. My obligations

Here you write down all the things you’re actually contractually obligated to do. What’s the bare minimum you need to do according to your contracts? You will soon realise it’s a lot less than you think. Not saying you need to do the bare minimum, but it does put in perspective what is actually expected from you.

2. My responsibilities

Most people will realise a lot of the things they saw as obligations are actually responsibilities. Responsibilities are a lot more flexible.

Responsibilities are responsibilities because you think they are your responsibility. But this might not necessarily be the case.

Once you realise some of your responsibilities are not necessarily obligations (forced by a contract), then you can take some time to relativise this sense of responsibility. Why are you feeling this responsibility? Is it really fair to see it as a responsibility? Which responsibilities should be taken more seriously than others?

Some people have a greater sense of responsibility than others, and having a great sense of responsibility is probably (partly) why they’re overwhelmed in the first place.

And it’s good to feel a sense of responsibility.

A sense of responsibility to feed your kids, okay. But is it also your responsibility to constantly be on top of that group project you’re not even the project manager of? Probably not.

Once you’ve defined which responsibilities are actually important to you and which responsibilities you could take less seriously or completely ignore for some time, it will take a huge weight off your shoulders.

(Just knowing that you could drop some things for a while alleviates a lot of the overwhelm already. You might not need to drop anything at all. As long as you let go of the mental load.)

3. My aspirations/goals

Sometimes our overwhelm comes from goals and aspirations. We are not obligated to do these things, and we are not even responsible for them, but this does not mean we can’t be overwhelmed by them.

So just write down what other things you still want to do. But also be realistic, because everyone wants a bunch of stuff, but they rarely want the pains and problems that come with it.

You might want that job promotion, but are you ready to take on the extra responsibility. You might want that house, but are you okay with the bigger debt accompanied with it? Et cetera.

Always eliminate before you do something, because otherwise you might optimise for the wrong things. First, figure out if you really want something. Would you still want it if you could tell no one? Would you still do it if it fails? Sometimes our aspirations are blurred because of other people’s expectations from us. Make sure you really want it. And only then decide if it’s worth the extra overwhelm (and or other pains and problems).

That’s it. This 3 step plan should help alleviate (some of) the overwhelm you feel. I know it has helped me before. Let me know how it works for you!

*This article was inspired by a very primitive note I wrote some time ago.

_{Translation: When overwhelmed, reflect on the following things:
My obligations
My responsibilities
My aspirations/goals
What do you want? Do you also want the problems and pains that come with it? Also if you could tell no one about it?}